Why I Would Not Like To Live In A Big City

I have dreams to travel around America and have been wanting to visit big cities like Seattle, New York City, Portland, Chicago, and Washington D.C. for the longest time. Diverse cultures all meshed together, lots of different foods to sample, plus famous sites and national landmarks to explore and cross off my bucket list. But LIVE in a big city? That may be appealing to some folks who adore crowds and want to "make it big," but it's not ideal for me. Now I'm no country mouse. I grew up in Santa Barbara, which is home to about 90,000 people, with tourism being one of its top industries. But Santa Barbara isn't "big," though I wouldn't complain if I moved somewhere just a little smaller. But anyway, these are the reasons why I do not want to live in a big city:

• Where the heck is the sun? I want to live in a place where the sunshine isn't obstructed by buildings that tickle God's toes. I know this is an exaggeration, however, back in April 2009 I spent a week in the Tenderloin neighborhood in San Francisco on a missions trip with my youth group. If I was outside, the direct sunlight could only be seen if the sun was straight above and shining through the cracks of the ridiculously tall hotels, commercial edifices, and skyscrapers serving as headquarters to banks and business moguls and their nation wide chain stores. So only for an hour or two if I was lucky. I felt isolated from Mother Nature.
• Too many people live in a city, so there is little obligation to get to know anybody. I've never lived in a town smaller than Santa Barbara, which is home to around ninety thousand people, so I really cannot say I know all the cashiers at the stores I shop most at or the baristas at the Starbucks down my street, but nonetheless I still think my awareness of the people in my community would diminish even further if I lived in a place like New York city. And you know what? Even though this sounds backwards, I think people who don't like people are the ones who live in big cities, since there are so many people nobody bothers to be friendly with anyone. Nobody acknowledges anyone when you pass by on the sidewalk (that's true in Santa Barbara, too). In my experience in big cities like L.A. or San Francisco, no one wanted to acknowledge my existence unless I was in their way. Even if it is a big community, there isn't much community in a big city. I dream about knowing the name of the guy behind the deli counter at the market, the number of children the town librarian has, and the birthplace of the person who delivers my mail. I want to live there!
• An article on Buzzfeed reminded me of one of the downsides to living in a big city that I would greatly resent, and that is not being able to see any stars at night. Light pollution is a sworn enemy to a person like me who loves staring at those glittering dots in the sky. If I rewrote the song "My Favorite Things" according to my personal favorites, the lyric "Starry night skies and sweet pumpkin pies" would be in the first stanza. What is a night without stars? It better be a cloudy and rainy one. L.A. smog clouds wouldn't count.

• I find it hard to imagine myself raising a family in a big city, though I know it is done all the time. Riding a subway to take the children to school, forcing them to play in the apartment instead of riding their bikes or playing kickball in the street, and having no backyard . . . it just doesn't make sense to me. Again, people do it all the time, but to me I wouldn't want to raise a family in a place like that. As Claire Diaz-Ortiz put it in her article on Babble.com I Don't Like Big Cities, you don't think of families when you visit big cities, all you think of is tourism and people busy working.

• The perception of time is more hustled in a big city than in a smaller city. Even in Santa Barbara it is plan by the hour or by the half hour, but I imagine in a bigger city it is plan by the minute. There seems to be very little flexibility, not to mention patience (which I could use a little more of) in a larger city, and I would prefer to live in a city that was more relaxed about time management.

• And finally, traffic is crazy in a big city. This is not good for me because I am a timid driver and I prefer to not deal with so many cars and lane changes. In a big city I am sure to get lost, hit something, or somebody, and lose my sanity in traffic jams or dense freeways.

My hope is to live in a town where I have a place of my own, with a nice sized yard for my future children to play in and I can play fetch with my dog, where I'm not sharing paper-thin walls with my neighbors, I'm not constantly hearing the sound of car horns in front of my house, the citizens are friendly and I actually know my neighbors and the people whom I buy my groceries from, and there are plenty of trees and open skies and you can see lots of stars at night. A place where life is savored, not rushed. A place with a real sense of community, but also enough privacy for myself when I want it. But of course also a place where you can get Greek, Japanese, Italian, German, Thai, Mexican, Chinese, and BBQ food within the same city limit.

Rant On Decaf Coffee

Okay, I know I'm definitely going to upset some people by arguing about this, since it's such an . . . EXTREMELY controversial subject, but . . . 

What is the point of decaf coffee??

At this point, if you were hoping to read this blog post for some intellectual stimulation, you may as well click the exit button on this tab right now.

Coffee, as you know, is such a bitter drink. Most people who choose coffee prefer to add a bunch of sugary or fatty stuff to it until it tastes sweet and has a flavor far from what coffee really tastes like. Of course, I do the exact same thing for my caffeinated morning coffee (2-3 tablespoons of half and half), but why would you put so much effort in making something that tastes so, blehhhck, into something that tastes more bearable, if you are not drinking it for the energy boost which caffeine gives you? What could you gain from decaf coffee? Is your intent basically to buy a drink with the Starbucks logo on it so that you can look all cool, like a hipster, or a deep and intellectual college student, or someone of significant importance, without getting jittery?

You remind me of that person at a bar who wants to look cool by having a drink in his or her hand but orders a virgin margarita or a Jake without the whiskey.

Wuss. 

Okay, sure, it's fun to get a Pumpkin Spice Latte or a Peppermint Mocha for funzies. So let's just butt out on the coffee drinks that are meant to be . . . drinked . . . drank . . . drunk? . . . for pleasure. But why order that bitter little drink and put two packets of sugar and three tablespoons of half and half in it if you are not drinking it for the energy? Why not order something a little more palatable like orange juice (vitamins and minerals), or a tea (antioxidants), or hot chocolate (the flavor of a hug). What is the point of drinking Decaf Blehhhck?

Decaf coffee reminds me of one of those other completely useless things Americans do without even thinking about it. Like, Pinterest. I’m willing to bet that far less than half the people who spend hours a day on Pinterest actually use Pinterest as inspiration for projects that they actually work on, or actually use the recipes they found and repinned. I only use Pinterest to add some specially filtered pictures for projects like my presentations back in Home Ec. The rest of the time that I spent on Pinterest, was in between taking notes while in class.

Oops! Did I just admit to breaking a classroom rule? Whoopsie!


Oh, come on. We all did it, donchu lie! I think there was only one home ec girl who didn't use Pinterest during class, and to my Home Ec readers I think we all know who I'm talking about. But seriously, we all did it. Don't lie. 


When I started using Pinterest I could spend over two hours straight staring at pictures that were full of things that I wish were part of my lifestyle, like 100% organic diets, tailored and fashionable wardrobes, styled dream homes and charming destination vacations. Now when I'm on Pinterest, I'm on there for less than a minute and then I’m completely over it. On to something more useful with my time. 

I think my Pinterest rant was longer than the decaf coffee rant. This may just be my first actual rant in my Rant-A-Long blog. 

I hate my blog title, by the way. I know I haven't actually ranted in my other blog posts. What I really do is talk about random topics that really aren't related to each other. It's easier than having to narrow it all down to “My Foodie Blog” or “My Homemaking Blog” or “My Societal Mishaps Blog.” I like to write about lots of topic, and if you can come up with a better blog title, much appreciate it if you shared. 

Man, I love blogging. I knew that I liked to write, I just never jumped on making it a hobby until about a month ago. I feel kind of guilty for starting a new hobby while I don’t have a job. You know that kind of guilt you get from not being successful in your highest priority? 

But what is my highest priority? Is it finding a job, or working on my last online class to get my degree, or moving out of the house? What do I do? My life isn’t exactly what I dreamed it would be at this moment. I had hoped I would have found a full time job and had been completely finished with school by now because I never was a huge fan of school. I also wanted to live on my own and being busy with making my new home my home. There is so much I want to be doing right now, but it’s not happening. I have no job offers. Online school is a bitch (pardon my french but there’s really no better word to describe it according to my true feelings). I'm still living at home under the same roof as my ogre of a stepfather (I already used one somewhat offensive word, do I need to use another one to describe what kind of a man my step father is. You can guess). My sleeping pattern is thrown way off so I don't fall asleep until two in the morning and I don't get out of bed until after 9 a.m.

My days are mostly job hunting on job websites including craigslist, working on my online class, light cleaning of my house, recreational reading, and it all starts with a cup of coffee, with caffeine, because I need to wake up and give myself a boost of energy because I am hoping that something new and/or exciting will happen and I want to be awake, dressed, and ready for when it happens.

And there is my rant about caffeinated coffee. The End.



*Pictures copied and pasted from beloved, useful and at the same time wasteful, Pinterest*

Misconceptions About Dating

After finishing up my education by spending three years at a Christian college, I have a lot to share about my experience being in a Christian bubble for so long. One of the most profound topics of interest at The Master's College was dating and marriage. At TMC, there were a lot of mixed ideas about dating. Some of the students were more relaxed about the concept of dating, and some students, too the extreme, were brought up under the impression that they should not go out with someone unless they were absolutely sure they wanted to marry them. 

Doesn't that sound a little backwards?

Here's the problem with that:

We have the practice of dating because we don't do arranged marriages in our culture. So why do we have dating instead of having marriages arranged for us by our parents or by matchmakers? Gee, I don't know, maybe so young adults can get to know each other and find out if they are a good match, before they commit to marriage?

Then you might say "Well, we can get to know each other just as well if we spent time together with other friends, just as friends." To that I say, "So you are going to find out . . .

• all of each other's good and bad habits, 
• how you both prefer to handle arguments or what triggers you have which make you angrier in the middle of a conflict,
• your strengths and weaknesses (including the ones you are embarrassed or ashamed of),
• each of your positions on grey areas like alcohol, birth control, home school vs public school, or what kind of music or tv you think is appropriate, 
• and each others' deep and personal sins 

 . . . over a round of mini golf with your friends standing behind you?" 

That would be one awkward and intense mini golf game.

Dating provides the opportunity to learn these things about each other by witnessing it first hand. For example, a person you are interested in can simply say to you "I am never disrespectful towards my family," but the truth is when he or she is at home, he or she can act like a real jerk to his or her family. You actually need to spend time with each other - around your friends, around your families, around strangers, and alone with each other - so you can get to know this person for who he or she really is. And this takes some time. 

Let me just define what dating is. In my freshman year of high school (or maybe 8th grade?) my mom started giving me dating advice. What she told me was that dating is like trying on a pair of pants at a store, because you want to know if it's the right fit before you buy it. Since I was young and clueless, I was outraged at the idea of trying on people like you would try on clothes because it sounded really shallow. But that's the truth! You are dating to "try each other on." In other words, you are - and I mean this as a statement - able to go on a date with someone while hardly knowing them. Dating is used to get to know someone. You don't have to wait to start dating someone until after you find out what their background is, or what their career aspirations are, or what their favorite class is, or if they are a morning person or a night owl. You can find that stuff out when you take her out on a casual date over coffee or to the Spring Formal. For the deeper stuff you may want to wait until you get more serious in the relationship. Telling her how many children you are hoping for may be - no - IS too direct for a first date, unless, you know, you both are dying to procreate.

There are also some people - mostly guys (sorry, guys) - who are waiting to make a move on a person of the opposite sex (and by making a move I mean asking them out or at least letting them know you are interested) because they are expecting to find that special someone by love at first sight. Sadly, love at first sight doesn't always happen. And sometimes when it does happen, it's not mutual. I know (and I'm positive you also know) many Christians who have said something along the lines of "I saw him praying or worshipping in church and I immediately fell in love," but as it turns out that the feelings they had for that person were not reciprocated. So don't just make the assumption "if my pastor/parents/siblings/etc. married the first person they fell in love with, then chances are that will happen for me, too." 

And also, to everybody who is single, just so you know, praying to God asking for Him to make it super obvious that someone is The One before you make a move, or so you won't have to make a move (ladies), doesn't usually work. Lots of times you just have to go ahead and make a move to let them know you are interested. Don't be afraid if it turns out he or she is or is not interested in you, and if you two actually start dating but don't end up married, it might be a learning experience that God wants you to have, about relationships or about yourself. And I have learned a lot of good things from my past relationships. I learned more of what kind of man I was looking for (and definitely not looking for), and how I could improve myself as a better woman, and how to actually handle a relationship with a man. I'm very thankful for my past relationships if anything for the learning experiences. 

Astonished Readers: "Hold up, hold up, Megan! What's that you were saying to the ladies about the move making thing?"

Moi: "I was simply saying to women that praying to God so you can sit pretty and wait for your desired Prince Charming rarely, very rarely, results in the guy you are interested in asking you out."

Astonished Readers: "*Gasp!* Megan, are you suggesting that women should ask men out on dates?"

Moi: "Not necessarily. I just mean that a woman CAN pull a guy aside and tell him she is interested in getting to know him better. But there's biblically nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out either, FYI."

Astonished Readers: "But doesn't that take away his masculinity if he doesn't get to make the first move?"

Moi: "Nope. If the Bible doesn't say a man has to be the one to propose marriage, or that a man has to make the first move towards an intimate relationship with a woman, then it's all by personal preference, not by scripture. And remember that the Bible doesn't cover dating, and not because there shouldn't be dating but because there was no such thing back then. And, please, if the guy isn't the one making the first move, do you really think that automatically makes him the female in the relationship? Whoever makes the first move does not set the tone for who "wears the pants" in the relationship."

So why am I suggesting to women that they should try to tell a guy, or at least drop hints to a guy, that she is interested? For one thing, lots of guys these days are very hesitant and shy. Even though my solution for the guys would be to gain some confidence in yourselves and take a chance, but on the other hand, I have heard TMC guys say that girls don't make it easy for them. And I can understand that. We ladies are told that the harder you play to get the more he will be attracted to you and will want to chase you, yes? But to get the fish to bite you have to throw in a lure first. Know what I'm saying, ladies?

No No NO! DO NOT start flashing your cleavage and sashaying in a mini skirt to a get a guy's attention, geez! You'll get their attention, just not the kind you want. What I mean is, start showing the guy that you exist, because truth is guys can be oblivious. Seriously, you can get all dolled up, but unless you look them in the eyes and smile while asking them to pass the salt, or say hello when you pass by him, or wave at him at a party, or ask to borrow his textbook, or ask him to jump start your car, he may never even know you are alive, let alone interested. 

One of my friends from school had asked Dr. Behle, a Professor of Christian Education at TMC, if it was biblically okay or not for a girl to tell a guy that she liked him before he made a move. His answer was that there was no scriptural basis for girls not making the first move. It is really a preference thing. So there you go. Girls can ask guys out or tell them they are interested without defying their biblical femininity and demasculating their Christian brothers.

Also, you do realize that Ruth proposed marriage to Boaz, right? Maybe not in the way that we propose marriage in our culture, but in MacArthur’s Commentary Bible, Google book referenced below, MacArthur states that in chapter 3 Naomi instructed Ruth to propose to Boaz “by utilizing an ancient Near Eastern custom," which she did. So if Ruth can go all the way to propose marriage to a man, would it be so bad if a girl did a little flirting with a guy she liked, maybe even tell him she's interested?

You never know what God is going to do in your life. You have to take a chance and see how God will work it out for you. If it is all in His hands, He will guide the choices you make into what is in His will. For example, if you choose to take a spur of the moment trip somewhere, you just may wind up meeting someone who is in need of spiritual encouragement that you can offer them. You never know what's going to happen, until you try. 

Okay, I am a big fan of the comedy show The Big Bang Theory. In a few episodes, the characters talk about taking chances in relationships using the example of Schrodinger's Cat. To explain what I am talking about just watch the clip below (and if somehow the video below won't play, copy and paste this link to view it on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCOE__N6v4o)

Asking someone out is not the same as proposing marriage. You don't take someone out on a date to declare your intention to marry, you take someone out to get to know each other and find out if you are a good match and if you would like to commit to that person for the rest of your life. Don't sit in your room waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right to be left at your door gift wrapped with a tag that says "To You From God." Just take a chance and see what happens, because you don't know what the outcome will be until you open the box. And I am in no way saying anything along the lines of taking control of your own life and not waiting for God to give you what you are praying for on His time. That would be silly of me, right? Because God is in control of everything. However, you also don't know if He wants you to learn something by dating someone else, whether it leads to marriage or not. What I am saying is: Guys, if you do have an interest in a girl, go ahead and ask her out for a casual date. Girls: if you are interested in a guy, then at least do something to let them know you are interested. Maybe even ask them out to coffee or a movie. You won't be taking away his ability to be a man if you do, seriously. Ladies and fellas, God is in control always, but you won't know what He plans for you to do until you take a chance and act.

References Used:

http://onlyartblog.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/100-questions-couple-should-ask-before-getting-married/

http://books.google.com/books?id=polW0PX25nkC&pg=PT365&lpg=PT365&dq=ruth+propose+to+boaz+macarthur&source=bl&ots=Wc6ngfecVP&sig=4eJ7A7Wy6OHVfBchr31eVHj-9xY&hl=en&sa=X&ei=9o6ZUue9ItPboASHw4KYBg&ved=0CDQQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=ruth%20propose%20to%20boaz%20macarthur&f=false