Treat Yourself - It's Just Plain Good For You

I thought about it this afternoon while I read my book under the shade of a palm tree in the warm breeze and powder blue sky. I thought about it as I placed an adorable bouquet of magenta carnations on my bedside table this evening. I thought about it as I stirred a packet of hot chocolate into my mug ten minutes ago. I was thinking about the little things I do to treat myself. Whether I needed it or not.

For the last few months I had been dealing with a few stressful situations, like a lack of income, dealing with a tedious job market, and family issues resulting in me having to move out of my house, which is why I haven't made a blog post in about three months. 

When you're stressed out, you usually think of things that you would rather be doing instead of dealing with the problems that are making your life hard, right? You would probably be thinking "I'd rather be watching my favorite TV show," or "I'd rather be hanging out at the bar," or "I'd really rather be on some beach somewhere" [to quote Blake Shelton].

But when you think of all the things you would like to do to treat and sooth yourself, you may also be thinking "but I'm too frazzled/busy/selfless to have "Me Time." You might be making a mental list of all your responsibilities and priorities, and never stopping to think that your emotional, mental, and physical health is also a big responsibility. A responsibility that needs regular attention. 

I'm saying you need to take time every day to do at least one little thing for yourself. You have an obligation to you and the people who depend on you and love you to take care of yourself and make sure you are happy, healthy, and relaxed. 

Kelly Exeter, author of "Your Best Year Yet: 7 Simple Ways To Shift Your Thinking And Take Back Your Life," gave some tips on her website about regularly "indulging yourself." She addresses people who prefer not to regularly pamper themselves because they fear it is more of a selfish thing to do, by saying, "While it might sound a little excessive and selfish to indulge yourself every day, it's absolutely not. It's just one piece of the 'looking at yourself' puzzle. After all, we all know that we are no good to other people if we are not good to ourselves."

Think about it. You sleep because your body can only handle so much stress in one day and needs to rejuvenate itself through sleeping. There are just some things that sleep can't fix, and so it's nice to enjoy doing something for yourself while still being conscious, right?

Don't get me wrong, having "Me Time" should be taken in moderation. You don't want to turn your whole life into living for yourself, especially if you have people who need you, like children, or a spouse, or friends or family who value your presence and support. But it's like that saying "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." You can't take care of others if you aren't taken care of. 

Every day, if it's a stressful day or a slow day, I always try to do one or two things that will perk my mood. I call it my Feed My Soul Moment. I feel that if I am being treated well I am sure to do a much better job and be happy doing that job.

Here are some of the things that I do for my "Feed My Soul Moments:"

1. Wear the big comfy sweatshirt I borrowed/stole from my boyfriend. It's big, it's soft, it's navy blue, and I feel like I'm getting a big cozy hug from Adam when I wear it. He should have known he was never getting that sweatshirt back :P

2. Drink a hot chocolate/tea/coffee/wine/beer/white russian. I like drinks. The cozy kinds and the boozy kinds. 

3. Relax or go for a walk outside. I love getting that sunshine and fresh air. Having a meal outside is such a luxury to me, so I love doing that. If it's not so windy I love to take a book outside to read, and if the weather is very warm I love to read or nap on the beach.

4. I like to buy a little gift for myself once in a while, like some flowers or chocolates (I'm such a romantic :P ) or nail polish, or a small gift for my hope chest (read my hope chest post). And I love when I get to visit the bookstore after I finished a book and am in need of replenishing my reading material.


5. Quietly reading, anytime, anywhere quiet.

6. Drive on a windy road with Mindy (my car). That mini adrenaline rush taking on the curves of the 192 is my kind of thrill.

7. Get a haircut when mine needs an update.

8. Sit and enjoy my morning coffee instead of drinking it while rushing.

9. Pet the cats. And seriously, if colleges could have 24/7 petting zoos for students I'm convinced every single student's GPA would significantly improve. 

10. Paint my toe nails or file my finger nails. It's something I don't do too often, but it always makes me feel better knowing I can wear my sandals without being embarrassed over my unsightly chipped nail polish.

11. Do laundry. Yes, I love doing laundry!

12. Take a nap. Plenty a nap was coveted in college, and are still heavily appreciated today.

13. Send a hand written note card to a friend. I love to take a few minutes to show someone I was thinking about them. Plus it gives me an excuse to stock pretty note cards in my stationary drawer.


14. Having a laugh with friends. I am a firm believer that a life full of laughs is a well lived one. 

Taking time or resources to indulge in little pleasures is just plain good for you. It's not at all a waste of time, and as wrong as this sounds, it's okay to be a teeny bit selfish once in a while. You work hard, you have done a lot for the good of others, and it is beneficial to your health and happiness to treat yourself once in a while. Do something on impulse every now and then. Buy yourself that scarf if you can't stop thinking how pretty the pattern was on you. Eat that ice cream you've been saving for a special occasion. Go on that walk in the park. Go out for a drink with your friends. Surround yourself with beautiful things if it helps you to be more happy and productive. Take time to reflect and appreciate the things you have. Have at least one Feed Your Soul Moment every day. Guarantee you will thank yourself for it. Enjoy.

Resources
Kelly Exeter Lifehacker Tip #3
http://www.kellyexeter.com.au/lifehacker-tip-3-indulge-yourself-every-day/

Media and Body Image

With the increasing amount of time being spent with eyes glued to a screen, there are more gateways than ever for advertisements to reach the public eye. And with that, there are also more opportunities to encourage people to establish a healthy self-image. But when businesses try to use their marketing platform to promote a healthy lifestyle and inspire consumers to love their bodies, I wonder if they truly care about their customers' levels of self-confidence, or if they are just attempting to attract customers by taking the celebratory approach to physical appearance and trying to not look like those "fat-shaming" businesses, such as Abercrombie and Fitch.

Abercrombie and Fitch is not only famous for its uninhabitable shops with dim lighting, deafening music, and suffocating perfume and cologne odors, but also for their black and white larger-than-life photos of topless models lying in a field, or posing sensuously in front of a barn door or on a beach. These images portray the only type of people A&F admittedly wants to wear their products: thin men and women between fourteen and twenty-five years old with flawless skin, toned muscles, full lips, and hair that looks seductively gorgeous when blown in the wind. And Abercrombie only wants these types of people to buy their products because, according to A&F CEO Mike Jeffries, cool people are thin, not overweight.

In an interview with Salon in 2006, Mike Jeffries said Abercrombie only markets to "cool, good-looking people. We don't market to anyone other than that." He went on to say "A lot of people don't belong [in our clothes], and they can't belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely." Now I get that as CEO of A&F it is Jeffries' job to reach out to the target group and also to make it clear who their target group is. So on one hand he is simply stating who the business markets to as their target group, but I wish he would have just stopped there because, on the other hand, he adds that A&F only markets to these kinds of people because these are supposed to be the "cool people." The photos of the A&F models imply that only lean, athletic, and pretty people are cool, and anyone else with bodies and faces not even close to that don't belong in their clothes. 

And of course, A&F doesn't just market to athletic and thin people, but they also only hire people who look the same at least something close to an A&F model to work in their stores. And, get this, if they do hire someone who looks less than an A&F model, A&F keeps them working in the back where they won't be seen as often by customers.

Businesses are free to market to whomever they want, I get that. Lane Bryant markets strictly to women of sizes 14-32. So it should be alright for a business to market to a certain size and age group. Personally I wish there was a store that made clothes for women of my age with my measurements (I'm a size 0 from the waist up but a size 4 on the hips). However, the views of A&F's CEO about who should be categorized as cool people is horrifically superficial, and the fact that he is also apparently not shy about sharing his opinion is quite disgusting. 

At least we can have a little chuckle over the fact that "Abercrombie shares are tanking" since A&F decided to keep Mike Jeffries as their CEO. (Business Insider, 2013).

And then of course there are other businesses in skin care, clothing, exercise equipment, diet food products, and perfume which all hype you into buying their stuff so you can look and feel prettier, because no one can possibly be happy with themselves unless you look like this guy:

A&F CEO Mike Jeffries

On the other hand, there are a few businesses who are promoting a healthy and positive self-image through their marketing tactics. We are quite familiar with Dove's Movement for Self-Esteem videos, as well as their video for revealing how photoshop completely transforms models, and their Beauty Sketch video, along with their commercials and magazine ads with women of all shapes and sizes in white underwear. Special K is also trying to promote healthy body images by addressing how women "fat talk" to themselves which ruins their own view of their bodies. Here is the video:

This is an eye opening statement. Lots of women, and men too, can be very critical about their own bodies. This campaign about ending "fat talk" is a positive thing to embrace. Next time I go clothes shopping I'm going to remember this commercial and stop myself from scowling at the cellulite on my thighs or how pale I look in the mirror. But then again, it's hard to tell if Special K really does want to encourage people to accept their bodies for what they look like (without even mentioning their diet products) even though a couple years ago their campaign was "What will you gain when you lose?" as if we all needed to lose a pound or more to gain a positive self-image. Now we have a mixed bag of positive and negative implications, so it's hard to decide what Special K's real position is. Is it "accept yourself for who you are" or, "you need to lose some weight to feel better about yourself?"

Having said that, I would still rather purchase products from businesses that promote and encourage a healthy self-image for ALL body types instead of bluntly excluding or shaming those who are, according to the media, not considered beautiful. In other words, A&F out, Dove and Special K in. Anyone want my A&F sweatshirts?

I'd like to also point out that it's not just businesses that have an influence through the media, but also the celebrities we see in TV shows, movies, magazine covers, and the rising number of autobiographies we see in book shops or on Amazon.com (is it just me or do more and more celebrities each year insist on publishing autobiographies so they can milk as much out of their fame as they possibly can before they turn 30? Derek Hough and Justin Bieber, give me a break.)

Jennifer Lawrence, star of the Hunger Games film series, is becoming my hero when it comes to self-image and the media. She has been speaking up in interviews about how the entertainment business constantly picks on aspiring stars to make them lose weight, along pressuring stars into getting breast augmentations, or botox injections, or butt lifts, or liposuction, or any dramatic image-altering procedure, even when they are perfectly healthy and look absolutely fine. In the last year Lawrence has talked in several interviews about her experience of being criticized for her appearance and has shared her own views on body image. In an interview with Marissa Mayer on Yahoo, she answered a question from a reporter who was asking a question by request of his young daughter in reference to being judged by peers based on one's appearance. "Well screw those people" she said, and everyone laughed. She continues her answer: "the world has this certain idea, you know. We see this air-brushed, perfect model, and then if you don't look like that then you're . . . " and she then notes that she has lots of thoughts on this subject but continues to say:

"You just have to look past it. You look how you look, and be comfortable. Like, what are you gonna do, be hungry every single day to make people happy? That's just dumb. And, you know, there are shows like the Fashion Police and things like that are just showing these generations of young people to judge people based on things that . . . they put value in all the things that are wrong and say it's okay to just point at people and call them ugly and call them fat, and then call it "fun," and "welcome to the real world," and it's like, that shouldn't be the real world" . . . "not until we stop treating each other like that and stop calling each other fat, with these unrealistic expectations for women. It's disappointing that the media keeps it alive and fuels that fire and, that's something that really bothers me, because I love to eat."

It is really encouraging to see celebrities take advantage of their platform by encouraging their fans to love themselves for who they are and learning to be comfortable with their own bodies. Honestly it is a breath of fresh air that Lawrence didn't say "I eat mostly watery vegetables and blended liquids and do crazy workouts almost every day just to keep myself in shape, and I don't feel pretty unless I can wrap a red vine around my waistline," or something else that ridiculous. Keep it up, Jennifer! If you are ever in SB let's go grab some In N' Out.

One more thing I want to talk about is how everybody with a computer now has an opportunity to promote healthy self-images to their peers. So many people have Facebook profiles they use to share their thought of the day (or hour), and plenty of other people have Twitter accounts, Instagram, Pinterest boards, and more and more people are starting their own blogs. As I think about it now, I want to take the time to write another post in the future concerning my own thoughts on body image. My thoughts now are just on how the media addresses body-image, good or bad, so my own opinions will be posted for a later time. For any of my readers who have blogs or a voice on the internet, I encourage you to take the time to reflect on your own thoughts of body image and consider how you could use your internet voice to share those thoughts with others. You may not know it, but I'm sure you have some friends, or maybe "Facebook Friends" who are struggling with the way they view their bodies, and just maybe your voice will inspire others to learn to feel comfortable with themselves. 

References Used:

http://www.businessinsider.com/abercrombie-wants-thin-customers-2013-5#ixzz2nhRUaxVa

http://www.businessinsider.com/abercrombie-wants-thin-customers-2013-5#ixzz2nhRJhrrY

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/special-k-39-39-fat-talk-39-ad-205200658.html

http://www.businessinsider.com/abercrombie-keeps-ceo-michael-jeffries-2013-12

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2504201/Joan-Rivers-lashes-Jennifer-Lawrence-criticising-Fashion-Police.html

http://shine.yahoo.com/author-blog-posts/jennifer-lawrence-wants-outlaw-word-fat-220000518.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPlVR-zdTzQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFxZXpmauYE

Why I Would Not Like To Live In A Big City

I have dreams to travel around America and have been wanting to visit big cities like Seattle, New York City, Portland, Chicago, and Washington D.C. for the longest time. Diverse cultures all meshed together, lots of different foods to sample, plus famous sites and national landmarks to explore and cross off my bucket list. But LIVE in a big city? That may be appealing to some folks who adore crowds and want to "make it big," but it's not ideal for me. Now I'm no country mouse. I grew up in Santa Barbara, which is home to about 90,000 people, with tourism being one of its top industries. But Santa Barbara isn't "big," though I wouldn't complain if I moved somewhere just a little smaller. But anyway, these are the reasons why I do not want to live in a big city:

• Where the heck is the sun? I want to live in a place where the sunshine isn't obstructed by buildings that tickle God's toes. I know this is an exaggeration, however, back in April 2009 I spent a week in the Tenderloin neighborhood in San Francisco on a missions trip with my youth group. If I was outside, the direct sunlight could only be seen if the sun was straight above and shining through the cracks of the ridiculously tall hotels, commercial edifices, and skyscrapers serving as headquarters to banks and business moguls and their nation wide chain stores. So only for an hour or two if I was lucky. I felt isolated from Mother Nature.
• Too many people live in a city, so there is little obligation to get to know anybody. I've never lived in a town smaller than Santa Barbara, which is home to around ninety thousand people, so I really cannot say I know all the cashiers at the stores I shop most at or the baristas at the Starbucks down my street, but nonetheless I still think my awareness of the people in my community would diminish even further if I lived in a place like New York city. And you know what? Even though this sounds backwards, I think people who don't like people are the ones who live in big cities, since there are so many people nobody bothers to be friendly with anyone. Nobody acknowledges anyone when you pass by on the sidewalk (that's true in Santa Barbara, too). In my experience in big cities like L.A. or San Francisco, no one wanted to acknowledge my existence unless I was in their way. Even if it is a big community, there isn't much community in a big city. I dream about knowing the name of the guy behind the deli counter at the market, the number of children the town librarian has, and the birthplace of the person who delivers my mail. I want to live there!
• An article on Buzzfeed reminded me of one of the downsides to living in a big city that I would greatly resent, and that is not being able to see any stars at night. Light pollution is a sworn enemy to a person like me who loves staring at those glittering dots in the sky. If I rewrote the song "My Favorite Things" according to my personal favorites, the lyric "Starry night skies and sweet pumpkin pies" would be in the first stanza. What is a night without stars? It better be a cloudy and rainy one. L.A. smog clouds wouldn't count.

• I find it hard to imagine myself raising a family in a big city, though I know it is done all the time. Riding a subway to take the children to school, forcing them to play in the apartment instead of riding their bikes or playing kickball in the street, and having no backyard . . . it just doesn't make sense to me. Again, people do it all the time, but to me I wouldn't want to raise a family in a place like that. As Claire Diaz-Ortiz put it in her article on Babble.com I Don't Like Big Cities, you don't think of families when you visit big cities, all you think of is tourism and people busy working.

• The perception of time is more hustled in a big city than in a smaller city. Even in Santa Barbara it is plan by the hour or by the half hour, but I imagine in a bigger city it is plan by the minute. There seems to be very little flexibility, not to mention patience (which I could use a little more of) in a larger city, and I would prefer to live in a city that was more relaxed about time management.

• And finally, traffic is crazy in a big city. This is not good for me because I am a timid driver and I prefer to not deal with so many cars and lane changes. In a big city I am sure to get lost, hit something, or somebody, and lose my sanity in traffic jams or dense freeways.

My hope is to live in a town where I have a place of my own, with a nice sized yard for my future children to play in and I can play fetch with my dog, where I'm not sharing paper-thin walls with my neighbors, I'm not constantly hearing the sound of car horns in front of my house, the citizens are friendly and I actually know my neighbors and the people whom I buy my groceries from, and there are plenty of trees and open skies and you can see lots of stars at night. A place where life is savored, not rushed. A place with a real sense of community, but also enough privacy for myself when I want it. But of course also a place where you can get Greek, Japanese, Italian, German, Thai, Mexican, Chinese, and BBQ food within the same city limit.

Rant On Decaf Coffee

Okay, I know I'm definitely going to upset some people by arguing about this, since it's such an . . . EXTREMELY controversial subject, but . . . 

What is the point of decaf coffee??

At this point, if you were hoping to read this blog post for some intellectual stimulation, you may as well click the exit button on this tab right now.

Coffee, as you know, is such a bitter drink. Most people who choose coffee prefer to add a bunch of sugary or fatty stuff to it until it tastes sweet and has a flavor far from what coffee really tastes like. Of course, I do the exact same thing for my caffeinated morning coffee (2-3 tablespoons of half and half), but why would you put so much effort in making something that tastes so, blehhhck, into something that tastes more bearable, if you are not drinking it for the energy boost which caffeine gives you? What could you gain from decaf coffee? Is your intent basically to buy a drink with the Starbucks logo on it so that you can look all cool, like a hipster, or a deep and intellectual college student, or someone of significant importance, without getting jittery?

You remind me of that person at a bar who wants to look cool by having a drink in his or her hand but orders a virgin margarita or a Jake without the whiskey.

Wuss. 

Okay, sure, it's fun to get a Pumpkin Spice Latte or a Peppermint Mocha for funzies. So let's just butt out on the coffee drinks that are meant to be . . . drinked . . . drank . . . drunk? . . . for pleasure. But why order that bitter little drink and put two packets of sugar and three tablespoons of half and half in it if you are not drinking it for the energy? Why not order something a little more palatable like orange juice (vitamins and minerals), or a tea (antioxidants), or hot chocolate (the flavor of a hug). What is the point of drinking Decaf Blehhhck?

Decaf coffee reminds me of one of those other completely useless things Americans do without even thinking about it. Like, Pinterest. I’m willing to bet that far less than half the people who spend hours a day on Pinterest actually use Pinterest as inspiration for projects that they actually work on, or actually use the recipes they found and repinned. I only use Pinterest to add some specially filtered pictures for projects like my presentations back in Home Ec. The rest of the time that I spent on Pinterest, was in between taking notes while in class.

Oops! Did I just admit to breaking a classroom rule? Whoopsie!


Oh, come on. We all did it, donchu lie! I think there was only one home ec girl who didn't use Pinterest during class, and to my Home Ec readers I think we all know who I'm talking about. But seriously, we all did it. Don't lie. 


When I started using Pinterest I could spend over two hours straight staring at pictures that were full of things that I wish were part of my lifestyle, like 100% organic diets, tailored and fashionable wardrobes, styled dream homes and charming destination vacations. Now when I'm on Pinterest, I'm on there for less than a minute and then I’m completely over it. On to something more useful with my time. 

I think my Pinterest rant was longer than the decaf coffee rant. This may just be my first actual rant in my Rant-A-Long blog. 

I hate my blog title, by the way. I know I haven't actually ranted in my other blog posts. What I really do is talk about random topics that really aren't related to each other. It's easier than having to narrow it all down to “My Foodie Blog” or “My Homemaking Blog” or “My Societal Mishaps Blog.” I like to write about lots of topic, and if you can come up with a better blog title, much appreciate it if you shared. 

Man, I love blogging. I knew that I liked to write, I just never jumped on making it a hobby until about a month ago. I feel kind of guilty for starting a new hobby while I don’t have a job. You know that kind of guilt you get from not being successful in your highest priority? 

But what is my highest priority? Is it finding a job, or working on my last online class to get my degree, or moving out of the house? What do I do? My life isn’t exactly what I dreamed it would be at this moment. I had hoped I would have found a full time job and had been completely finished with school by now because I never was a huge fan of school. I also wanted to live on my own and being busy with making my new home my home. There is so much I want to be doing right now, but it’s not happening. I have no job offers. Online school is a bitch (pardon my french but there’s really no better word to describe it according to my true feelings). I'm still living at home under the same roof as my ogre of a stepfather (I already used one somewhat offensive word, do I need to use another one to describe what kind of a man my step father is. You can guess). My sleeping pattern is thrown way off so I don't fall asleep until two in the morning and I don't get out of bed until after 9 a.m.

My days are mostly job hunting on job websites including craigslist, working on my online class, light cleaning of my house, recreational reading, and it all starts with a cup of coffee, with caffeine, because I need to wake up and give myself a boost of energy because I am hoping that something new and/or exciting will happen and I want to be awake, dressed, and ready for when it happens.

And there is my rant about caffeinated coffee. The End.



*Pictures copied and pasted from beloved, useful and at the same time wasteful, Pinterest*

Misconceptions About Dating

After finishing up my education by spending three years at a Christian college, I have a lot to share about my experience being in a Christian bubble for so long. One of the most profound topics of interest at The Master's College was dating and marriage. At TMC, there were a lot of mixed ideas about dating. Some of the students were more relaxed about the concept of dating, and some students, too the extreme, were brought up under the impression that they should not go out with someone unless they were absolutely sure they wanted to marry them. 

Doesn't that sound a little backwards?

Here's the problem with that:

We have the practice of dating because we don't do arranged marriages in our culture. So why do we have dating instead of having marriages arranged for us by our parents or by matchmakers? Gee, I don't know, maybe so young adults can get to know each other and find out if they are a good match, before they commit to marriage?

Then you might say "Well, we can get to know each other just as well if we spent time together with other friends, just as friends." To that I say, "So you are going to find out . . .

• all of each other's good and bad habits, 
• how you both prefer to handle arguments or what triggers you have which make you angrier in the middle of a conflict,
• your strengths and weaknesses (including the ones you are embarrassed or ashamed of),
• each of your positions on grey areas like alcohol, birth control, home school vs public school, or what kind of music or tv you think is appropriate, 
• and each others' deep and personal sins 

 . . . over a round of mini golf with your friends standing behind you?" 

That would be one awkward and intense mini golf game.

Dating provides the opportunity to learn these things about each other by witnessing it first hand. For example, a person you are interested in can simply say to you "I am never disrespectful towards my family," but the truth is when he or she is at home, he or she can act like a real jerk to his or her family. You actually need to spend time with each other - around your friends, around your families, around strangers, and alone with each other - so you can get to know this person for who he or she really is. And this takes some time. 

Let me just define what dating is. In my freshman year of high school (or maybe 8th grade?) my mom started giving me dating advice. What she told me was that dating is like trying on a pair of pants at a store, because you want to know if it's the right fit before you buy it. Since I was young and clueless, I was outraged at the idea of trying on people like you would try on clothes because it sounded really shallow. But that's the truth! You are dating to "try each other on." In other words, you are - and I mean this as a statement - able to go on a date with someone while hardly knowing them. Dating is used to get to know someone. You don't have to wait to start dating someone until after you find out what their background is, or what their career aspirations are, or what their favorite class is, or if they are a morning person or a night owl. You can find that stuff out when you take her out on a casual date over coffee or to the Spring Formal. For the deeper stuff you may want to wait until you get more serious in the relationship. Telling her how many children you are hoping for may be - no - IS too direct for a first date, unless, you know, you both are dying to procreate.

There are also some people - mostly guys (sorry, guys) - who are waiting to make a move on a person of the opposite sex (and by making a move I mean asking them out or at least letting them know you are interested) because they are expecting to find that special someone by love at first sight. Sadly, love at first sight doesn't always happen. And sometimes when it does happen, it's not mutual. I know (and I'm positive you also know) many Christians who have said something along the lines of "I saw him praying or worshipping in church and I immediately fell in love," but as it turns out that the feelings they had for that person were not reciprocated. So don't just make the assumption "if my pastor/parents/siblings/etc. married the first person they fell in love with, then chances are that will happen for me, too." 

And also, to everybody who is single, just so you know, praying to God asking for Him to make it super obvious that someone is The One before you make a move, or so you won't have to make a move (ladies), doesn't usually work. Lots of times you just have to go ahead and make a move to let them know you are interested. Don't be afraid if it turns out he or she is or is not interested in you, and if you two actually start dating but don't end up married, it might be a learning experience that God wants you to have, about relationships or about yourself. And I have learned a lot of good things from my past relationships. I learned more of what kind of man I was looking for (and definitely not looking for), and how I could improve myself as a better woman, and how to actually handle a relationship with a man. I'm very thankful for my past relationships if anything for the learning experiences. 

Astonished Readers: "Hold up, hold up, Megan! What's that you were saying to the ladies about the move making thing?"

Moi: "I was simply saying to women that praying to God so you can sit pretty and wait for your desired Prince Charming rarely, very rarely, results in the guy you are interested in asking you out."

Astonished Readers: "*Gasp!* Megan, are you suggesting that women should ask men out on dates?"

Moi: "Not necessarily. I just mean that a woman CAN pull a guy aside and tell him she is interested in getting to know him better. But there's biblically nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out either, FYI."

Astonished Readers: "But doesn't that take away his masculinity if he doesn't get to make the first move?"

Moi: "Nope. If the Bible doesn't say a man has to be the one to propose marriage, or that a man has to make the first move towards an intimate relationship with a woman, then it's all by personal preference, not by scripture. And remember that the Bible doesn't cover dating, and not because there shouldn't be dating but because there was no such thing back then. And, please, if the guy isn't the one making the first move, do you really think that automatically makes him the female in the relationship? Whoever makes the first move does not set the tone for who "wears the pants" in the relationship."

So why am I suggesting to women that they should try to tell a guy, or at least drop hints to a guy, that she is interested? For one thing, lots of guys these days are very hesitant and shy. Even though my solution for the guys would be to gain some confidence in yourselves and take a chance, but on the other hand, I have heard TMC guys say that girls don't make it easy for them. And I can understand that. We ladies are told that the harder you play to get the more he will be attracted to you and will want to chase you, yes? But to get the fish to bite you have to throw in a lure first. Know what I'm saying, ladies?

No No NO! DO NOT start flashing your cleavage and sashaying in a mini skirt to a get a guy's attention, geez! You'll get their attention, just not the kind you want. What I mean is, start showing the guy that you exist, because truth is guys can be oblivious. Seriously, you can get all dolled up, but unless you look them in the eyes and smile while asking them to pass the salt, or say hello when you pass by him, or wave at him at a party, or ask to borrow his textbook, or ask him to jump start your car, he may never even know you are alive, let alone interested. 

One of my friends from school had asked Dr. Behle, a Professor of Christian Education at TMC, if it was biblically okay or not for a girl to tell a guy that she liked him before he made a move. His answer was that there was no scriptural basis for girls not making the first move. It is really a preference thing. So there you go. Girls can ask guys out or tell them they are interested without defying their biblical femininity and demasculating their Christian brothers.

Also, you do realize that Ruth proposed marriage to Boaz, right? Maybe not in the way that we propose marriage in our culture, but in MacArthur’s Commentary Bible, Google book referenced below, MacArthur states that in chapter 3 Naomi instructed Ruth to propose to Boaz “by utilizing an ancient Near Eastern custom," which she did. So if Ruth can go all the way to propose marriage to a man, would it be so bad if a girl did a little flirting with a guy she liked, maybe even tell him she's interested?

You never know what God is going to do in your life. You have to take a chance and see how God will work it out for you. If it is all in His hands, He will guide the choices you make into what is in His will. For example, if you choose to take a spur of the moment trip somewhere, you just may wind up meeting someone who is in need of spiritual encouragement that you can offer them. You never know what's going to happen, until you try. 

Okay, I am a big fan of the comedy show The Big Bang Theory. In a few episodes, the characters talk about taking chances in relationships using the example of Schrodinger's Cat. To explain what I am talking about just watch the clip below (and if somehow the video below won't play, copy and paste this link to view it on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCOE__N6v4o)

Asking someone out is not the same as proposing marriage. You don't take someone out on a date to declare your intention to marry, you take someone out to get to know each other and find out if you are a good match and if you would like to commit to that person for the rest of your life. Don't sit in your room waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right to be left at your door gift wrapped with a tag that says "To You From God." Just take a chance and see what happens, because you don't know what the outcome will be until you open the box. And I am in no way saying anything along the lines of taking control of your own life and not waiting for God to give you what you are praying for on His time. That would be silly of me, right? Because God is in control of everything. However, you also don't know if He wants you to learn something by dating someone else, whether it leads to marriage or not. What I am saying is: Guys, if you do have an interest in a girl, go ahead and ask her out for a casual date. Girls: if you are interested in a guy, then at least do something to let them know you are interested. Maybe even ask them out to coffee or a movie. You won't be taking away his ability to be a man if you do, seriously. Ladies and fellas, God is in control always, but you won't know what He plans for you to do until you take a chance and act.

References Used:

http://onlyartblog.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/100-questions-couple-should-ask-before-getting-married/

http://books.google.com/books?id=polW0PX25nkC&pg=PT365&lpg=PT365&dq=ruth+propose+to+boaz+macarthur&source=bl&ots=Wc6ngfecVP&sig=4eJ7A7Wy6OHVfBchr31eVHj-9xY&hl=en&sa=X&ei=9o6ZUue9ItPboASHw4KYBg&ved=0CDQQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=ruth%20propose%20to%20boaz%20macarthur&f=false

Wedding Planning: It's All In The Details

For a couple months I had worked as an Event Specialist at a local event rental company in Santa Barbara. As an Event Specialist, it was my job to inform the client about certain details to consider when planning their wedding (or any event for that matter) because plenty of clients, usually brides, don't always think about these details when planning their wedding. And the details are super important for the overall brilliance of any event. I am going to share with you the tips I had learned from my very short time as an Event Specialist. 

Beach Weddings 
In Southern California, it is very common to have weddings on the beach. When we were renting to a beach bride, one thing we needed to ask was if the bride was planning on having an aisle runner on the sand at the ceremony. If they were, we suggested that they rolled out the aisle runner after the guests had been seated and before the bride walked down the aisle. This was so the guests wouldn't kick a lot of sand on the aisle runner before the bride could walk on it. The other thing to consider when having a beach ceremony or reception is to have a back up venue in case the weather isn't fair, even if the sun is out but the wind picks up. You don’t want your special day ruined by getting sand in your eyes.

Chairs 

Chair style is important to consider. Here's a tip: Those Chiavari chairs that look elegant and sophisticated, aren't all that comfortable. Because their back rest goes straight up instead of slanting back a little bit, they can actually be bothersome after a while. My tip: rent chairs that have leaning back rests for the ceremony, since your guests will be using them for a long while, and rent the chiavari chairs for the tables at the reception if the guests will mostly be sitting in them to eat the meal and for breaks in between dancing. And if you choose Chiavari chairs for the reception and you plan on having toasts, don't let the toasts go too long. I say this because in the office I had to sit in a Chiavari chair for quite a bit of the day, and trust me, they're not great for long periods of time. 

Test Your Tablescape

Always do a test run on your tablescape before you finalize your rental order. There is a word for this, I just can't think of it. You go to your caterer for a tasting of the food you are going to serve, so you should also do a test run for your table. You can call your rental company and make an appointment to have a sample of your table - table, linens, chairs, china, glassware, flatware, and whatever centerpiece or decorations you are using (you can also coordinate with your florist for a centerpiece sample). This is to make sure everything you want on the table will fit on the table and will go well together, so you are getting exactly what you envisioned.

Child-Safe Glassware
Rent glass for the drinks for adults and buy plastic glassware for the children. Young children are not so careful with glass, so if children under say seven or eight years old are going to be present, get some plastic glasses for the children's drinks, to limit the number of broken glasses you have to send back to the rental company, and pay for.

Think of The Musicians

You have to think of the needs of your musicians. Not only do you need to make sure your musicians have chairs to sit on (and maybe stands for their sheet music?), but if you are having musicians play outside in the sunlight, you will need to rent an extra umbrella or two for the musicians instruments. Warm temperatures can change the sound of musical instruments. Help your musicians play as beautifully as they can and provide for their needs.

How To Serve Your Food

When coordinating between your rental company and your caterer, often times your caterer will need to rent a few extra items. Plan with your caterer what you are serving and how you are going to serve it (buffet style, sit-and-serve, food stations, etc.), and your caterer can tell you if they will need waiter trays, tongs, serving spoons, bread baskets, among other serving pieces, and maybe even some cooking equipment or transit warming boxes.

Don't Forget The Cake Table and The Cocktail Table

If serving pre-dinner drinks and appetizers, consider having a few cocktail tables for guests to mingle around. And the cake table needs a cake stand, a cake cutter and a cake server. If you want to include dessert plates and dessert forks on the cake table, get a table big enough for all those items.

The Bar

If your are serving drinks, consider what you will need for the bar. Who's tending the bar and what will they need? For starters, a table or a bar for the bartender. Plan what drink you are serving and what kinds of glasses you want to serve them in: high ball, low ball, martini, red or white wine glasses, 12 oz. or 16 oz. mason jars (and yes, the size of the mason jar does matter), pilsner, margarita, zombie, endless possibilities! Will they need pitchers? A refrigerator? Bar mats? Ice tubs? 

Tents

If planning to use tents, be sure to finalize your plans for tents at least two weeks ahead of your wedding, so you can be sure all the fire permits are ready in time for your event. TTM filed the permits for you and just added it to your bill, and fire permits are not the funnest things to file for, so it was more convenient for clients to let us do it for them. 

Velon

Velon is plastic that you wrap around items such as heat lamps that either may be dinged up from previous use, or for ordinary items that you don't really want to be seen with your prettier things, like trash bins or ice tubs. They come in a few different colors to help blend with your overall theme, so amongst your opulent decorations you don't see some grimy, scuffed up trash bin.

What Does Your Venue Offer?

Does your venue have special lighting? Or will you be needing to rent some of those cute Market Style string lights to hang over your dance floor? Do they provide tables or chairs? How about trash or recycling cans? Any cooking equipment for your caterers? If it is an outdoor venue, do they have heat lamps or even bathrooms? Before talking to your rental company about renting these sort of items, ask your venue staff what they can provide for your wedding.

Who's On The Guest List

Consider who is coming to your event: old, young, people with allergies or special diets, parents with babies, people with disabilities, etc. For the elderly, you may want to choose chairs that will be the most comfortable for seniors because it is guaranteed they will be sitting the longest. For young children, it is hard to be sitting quietly all the time. Think about providing some side entertainment for children. I went to a wedding where they had a badminton net set up and a "Nerf Court" set with stakes in the grass and taped off, and the children could shoot Nerf guns or pass Nerf footballs to each other, and a volunteer supervisor made sure they didn't take the Nerf guns outside the court. If you have parents with babies coming, set aside a room for parents to change or take their crying little angels (and have it shown to them when they arrive so they know it's there). I say the allergy and dietary needs part more for your food selection so your guests with allergies or special diets (vegan?) have something they can eat. And for people with disabilities, if you have guests with crutches or wheel chairs, make sure they are able to get to their assigned seats, and have enough room to pull their wheelchairs in and out or a place to rest their crutches, and have enough space to get around everyone.

Dance Floor

These are the things to keep in mind when renting a dance floor. 1). What type of surface is the dance floor going on? Is it on a hardwood floor? A Deck? Carpet? Grass? Gravel? Dirt? A hillside? Find this out so the rental company can bring the right equipment to keep the floor stable and even. 2) How many people are going to dance at the same time? The answer is hard to narrow down. The Tent Merchant website has a chart for a dance floor size according to total guest count. Party Rental Ltd. estimates 3 sqaure feet per dancing person, and up to 2/3rd of the guests could be dancing at the same time. DanceDeck.com estimates that only 30% of your guests will be dancing at the same time. Just talk with your vendor and wedding coordinator how much room you can have for a dance floor, and however many guests can fit on the floor will take up the floor. That's the only advice I can give concerning the size, and to go with what the chart on the TTM website says.

Temperature Control

Keep your venue comfortable for your guests - and for yourself, also. No sense in being a Silent Sufferer on your wedding day. If you want your wedding ceremony or reception outside, consider the climate, the time of day, and the time of year your event will take place. Will you need umbrellas to protect your guests from the hot sun? Do you need heaters if you're having your event outside at night? In Santa Barbara, even in the summer the nights can get a little chilly, and personally I would appreciate a heater. If you are having your event in a tent with walls during the hot season, get some fans or make sure the tent walls can be rolled up if the stuffy heat is absolutely unbearable. And if you are in a tent outside in a colder climate, according to fire codes (at least in our area) you cannot have a heat lamp under a tent. I forgot the name for it, but there are fans that pump warm air into a tent to keep it warm and is safe under the SB county fire codes. And think about the ways to control the temperature of your ceremony or reception if they are going to be indoors. Talk to your venue staff about heating or cooling option.

Rent Some Extras

When in doubt, rent a few extra chairs, china, glassware, napkins, and flatware, and set aside a few extra seats at a table just in case if you have those last minute invited guests. But seriously, it really helps your event to go more smoothy if you know your expected guest count. So hound your guests for an RSVP, since it is becoming more common for invited guests to not respond, which leaves event hosts either with too much or not enough of something.

What Else Does Your Rental Company Offer?

What does the rental company have that can be used to liven up the party? TTM had fancy coffee makers and other things perfect for a coffee bar. They also had a popcorn maker. TTM also rented furniture, oriental style decorations (displayed in a room called "The Bazaar"), and other fun decorations that could add to your theme. They rented wine barrels, tapestries, chandeliers, arches, typewriters, boat oars . . . anything they had they would rent to you.

And here's some tips when it comes to planning with a rental company:

Consultations

When going to rental companies for a consultation, there are a few things to keep in mind. 1). Be sure you have a very good, solid idea of your budget, and the closer you get to your big day be sure your guest count is as definite as you can get. 2). When attending a consultation, it is best that whoever you bring has excellent taste (in a style that you are passionate about) and also someone who has experience in wedding planning, Your consultants as well as the people you bring to the consultation can help you identify the kinds of things you will need and what will go well with what. 

Courtesy To Your Rental Company

When making requests to your rental company, be specific, but not demanding, especially during the busy event season. I say this as a person with experience from behind the desk. Event Specialists work very hard to make all of their clients happy. And even though it is there job to serve your needs no matter what, it really helps the Event Specialists, even encourages them to work harder for you, if you are courteous and understanding. Seriously, all the staff at The Tent Merchant wanted was to make their clients' wedding as special as they could, and tried to go above and beyond to accommodate your needs. 

Remember: They Are RENTAL Items

Don't forget, you are not buying brand new merchandise. Some of your rented chairs or tables may have scuffs and chipped paint. Umbrellas may have their wooden frames more or less worn. Rental companies do try their best to clean and maintain their stock as best as possible (At least TTM did. I saw them clean up stock all the time). Don't worry, any honorable rental company wouldn't DARE rent you a chair with half of it's paint stripped off.

Awareness of the Company's Policies

Make yourself aware of all the rental company’s policies, including damage charges, delivery fees and times, how long you can keep the rented items, and how close to your event can you add or subtract to your order. 

Making Changes To Your Order

Finalize your order the soonest you can, especially if your wedding is during the busy season for events (May through October, by the way). You will want to make sure your most desired items and your needed amounts are reserved long ahead of time. If you change your chair or china selection a week or two before your wedding, there is a good chance you may not be able to reserve your new choice due to other clients having already reserved them. There is also a chance your rental company may be able to accommodate it, and feel free to ask, but don’t freak out if it can’t be changed. And when this case did happen at TTM, the event specialists did try their best to give the client other options that that they could be very happy with, since the Event Specialists and the Owners of TTM always kept up-to-date with the latest trends.

It's a lot to consider, I know, but as it shows, there is so much more to consider than just linen colors and china style when it comes to planning a wedding. These are some of the details that are commonly overlooked until the last minute. Keep these in mind for when you get engaged or are asked to help plan a friend's wedding. I invite you to comment and ask any questions, I would love to help.

http://thetentmerchant.com/index.html

http://www.dancedeck.com/calculate.php

http://www.partyrentalltd.com/about/faqs.jsp